Wednesday, August 17, 2011


Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.
Hebrews 2:1

Tonight while sitting in with my youth at The Search, the lovely Cara Ward taught a lesson that brought everyone to tears. I'm pretty sure it shook everyone at the core.

I was about how teens, or even people in general can start off a walk with God that is so strong and then little by little we allow people to influence us and we drift slowly away from God. But the entire time, God stays exactly where he stands the whole time. Never leaving us. And even though we sin, and sin, and sin, he never leaves us, always standing with arms wide open to take us back home.

She played a video that hit my heart, and I'm pretty sure it hit everyone else too.

This video is so simple and yet so intense. And it reminds me of how I feel right now. Right now I'm at a distance with God. I started out so strong. And I've slowly drifted, come back, and drifted again. Last year I came back strong. I was on fire for God. And slowly I've allowed different people to come in and change my life around. I'm not blaming them at all. In the end it's my decision to do the things I do. But I have drifted very far. I feel like the demons of my life are tossing me around and suffocating me, but the whole time I feel like the tips of my fingers are touching God's. It's a strange feeling and it's eating at my heart. But I could never put it into words what I felt until this video. It explains it completely. 
It also gives me hope, that even though I'm going through all of this craziness and chaos, that God won't leave me or forsake me. That he is right where I left him, waiting. 
I desperately want to get back to him. But for so long I've felt ashamed with myself for who I've allowed myself to become, what I've allowed myself to be. I'm embarrassed that I haven't been stronger. That I couldn't just say no. I need to remind myself that he loves me regardless. And that he knows I am imperfect. And he will always take me back.

"So take me as you find me. All my fears and failures. Fill my life again"